If all you got for Christmas was a sock full of old Canadian Tire money and a licence plate for your bike with your name spelled slightly wrong on it, then do we have a gift for you! The Beaverton returns to your beloved television screen tonight at 10.30ep, bringing with it humour, news, humourous news, and those certain intangibles that separates good TV from The Celebrity Apprentice.

As an extra bonus gift, we’ll throw in not one but TWO Platinum Series Spoon Thermometers that allow you read the temperature of your soups, stews, stroganoffs and smoothies, mid-slurp!

Okay, sorry, we just got word that management has opted out of the fork promotion due to exorbitant import costs from our Romanian supplier. Instead they’ve offered a full-on Beaverton marathon giving you the chance to watch every episode in history leading up to tonight’s brand new ‘sode. It all starts at 7:30ep tonight so tell your grandma you’ll bring her the medicine next week and chow down on this buffet of brilliant buffoonery.

To prove we’re totally serious, here’s a sneak peek at tonight’s program where anchor Miguel Rivas reports on new technology from the guy with the aromatic last name, Elon Musk.