Blood--it’s in you to give and to do whatever else you want to do with it except fill condoms with it and throw it at members of parliament. If we all weren’t born with a ton of it, it would be the most valuable substance on Earth next to liquid diamonds. Unfortunately, some people’s blood goes bad and loses value due to disease, or gets dangerously low because of Dracula etc., requiring them to get new blood from someone who has a surplus of the good stuff.

A lot of people aren’t willing to give up their blood because it’s hard to get it out of the body without a sharp straw and powerful pump. But that doesn’t stop millions of heroic Canadians from giving up that sweet ruby red for anyone in need of a chug. The stupid part of the whole process is that Canadian Blood Services doesn’t let just anyone waltz in and start bleeding. There are strange rules related to one’s sexuality that prevents some of our nation’s best from donating, leaving tons of thirsty blood-needers bone dry for no good reason.

The Beaverton’s resident bad boy, Donavon Stinson, was eager to bleed blood for those hot for hemoglobin but was labelled “high risk”, and rejected. Stinson headed to CBS headquarters to figure out what was wrong with his oil and came back with this report:

Catch the premiere of The Beaverton November 9th at 10:30ep on Comedy.