If Queen Victoria weren’t dead she’d be celebrating her 197th birthday on Sunday, but just because she isn’t alive to blow out the candles doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a great time. Thanks to her storied reign we Canadians get a much-deserved day off Monday, which means it’s time to party and celebrate the life of a woman who didn’t live long enough to have email.
 
The beautiful part of being Canadian is that you’re free to do whatever you want this long weekend, but if you’re the indecisive type, here’s an itinerary we think you’ll really dig!
 
Friday Night
 
Throw a kick-off, potluck BBQ with your best mates. With everyone bringing a tasty dish there’s bound to be leftovers but don’t throw them in the lake quite yet. Store any meat products away in a safe place because you’re going to need ‘em.


 

Saturday
 
No matter what the forecast is, get out there and enjoy Canada’s natural beauty by taking a stroll in a park, forest or Rib Fest. Keep your eyes peeled for dead woodland creatures or empty bird nests and stuff them in your sack for later.  


 

Sunday

Every Canadian deserves a fun long weekend, even those who are less fortunate. Volunteer some time at a soup kitchen and save a few scraps for your pile of stored meat, or trade some of your gently used clothing with someone who desperately needs fresh gear. Don’t get rid of the soiled clothes you get in return—start soaking them in kerosene and store in a well-ventilated area.

 

Monday
 
The big day off! Spend the morning with some fresh-brewed coffee and take inventory of everything you’ve collected over the weekend. Gather your family, friends and neighbours, and start constructing your Queen Victoria effigy.
 
Use the leftover meat and scraps for her body, the nest leavings and raccoon hides for her famous hair, and the kerosene-soaked clothing for her regal gown. Ask the kids to craft a crown in exchange for a torch for the lighting ceremony then let them loose on her majesty and set her ablaze. The adults can relax and enjoy the show before adding their ceremonial robes to the inferno while singing a traditional Cornish hymn while stark raving nude.


 
Happy Victoria Day!