If there’s one thing bullies hate more than their absentee fathers, it’s the colour PINK. There’s something about its inherent wussiness that stimulates the part of a bully’s brain responsible for the activation of wedgies, noogies, jammers, nippers, gravy dunks and whip whams.  
 
Rather than fight bullies by herding them up, stripping them down and spraying them with an ice cold stream of snot-infused garbage water until they barf so much they pass out, somebody came up with the idea of taking them on Care Bear-style by beaming rays of positive pink directly into their scrunched-up faces.
 
Today is #PinkShirtDay in Canada, which means your pink-clad co-workers are standing up against bullying and not deliberately excluding you from a new company softball team called Pink 182. If you’re like us and only learned about this positive movement today from your Twitter feed’s trending topics and are dressed in a bully-friendly black or grey, don’t worry because there are other things you can do to take a stance against bullying. Here are seven of them:
 
 

Dangle a cigarette on a string above a pack of bullies and lead them to the
Judy Blume section of the library.


 

Play them a Korn album, get them riled up, then show them what Korn looks like today.


 

Tell some bullies there’s a real town called “Pick On”, see their eyes light up, lead them to “Picton”, and watch as they go insane with boredom.


 

If you spot a bully spitting on someone, obtain the spit, run a DNA analysis, research their family tree and find out if any of their relatives had really dumb names.


 

Put a pencil behind your ear and if a bully calls you a nerd, take it out, and draw a detailed picture of them getting murdered by their favourite super hero.


 

Start an anti-bullying swear jar at work and once it’s full buy a piñata, fill it with cobras and bring it to a bully’s birthday party.


 

Teach a bully some swear words in sign language to give victims who can hear a nice little break.