Happy Sara Hennessey Day! The Canadian standup comic’s very funny debut album, Trouble in Saradise, is out today* on Comedy Records.
(*I mean, obviously. It makes no sense for today to be Sara Hennessey Day if her album comes out three weeks from now, or tomorrow even. Give us some credit. We’re much better planners than that.)
Anyway. The album, recorded at Toronto’s Buddies in Bad Times theatre, features the Canadian Comedy Award-winner sharing her unique insights on some of today’s toughest issues. Like: where do old Hotmail addresses go when they die? When is the least opportune moment to soil oneself? And will anyone ever use these frozen, overripe bananas? Some call her a comic, some say she’s a sage. Here are seven more pearls of wisdom you’ll take away from listening to Sara:
1. You’ll find out which celebrity you look most like. Or what celebrity Sara Hennessey looks most like. Or, at the very least, what baby she sort of reminds you of.
2. You’ll discover the answer to the centuries-old question “What’s under a man’s beard?” (it’s a thumb) and find out how to deal with said discovery (hyperventilate, alone, in bed).
3. You’ll get caught up on the latest in wedding decor trends. Everything looks magical when you put it in a mason jar—even loose meat.
4. You’ll learn how to get your sads out—silently.
5. You’ll get the confidence to know that you can be anything you want to be. A proud hot dog-eater, a powerful business woman, a German. No dream is too big.
6. You’ll gain a new appreciation for international-style party exits. Also, you’ll find out what those are. Bonus: free nacho recipe.
7.  There are tonnes of spicy sex tips mixed in with meeting-your-boyfriend’s-mom-tips with a sprinkling of cleaning and recipe tips on top (number one lesson: do it all when you’re high).

For even more Sara Hennessey, tune into her Just For LaughsAll Access debut on Comedy this summer.