Just in case the whole talk show host thing doesn't work out, Stephen Colbert is lining up a fail-safe fallback career: championship NFL quarterback. "I mean, how hard could it be?" he said on last night's show, "You put your hands between some guy's legs and scream."
 
But as Colbert learned during his coaching session with "quarterback guru" Steve Clarkson—aka "The Dreammaker"—there's more to being a QB than reaching into another dude's crotch. You also have to hold the ball, get hit by stuff, and walk confidently. Which is tough when you're the type of person who interprets the direction to walk "west side" as your cue to dance like you're in West Side Story.
 
Click here to watch last night's full Report. And tune in tomorrow for part two of Colbert's football lessons.