Has a bone to pick with the Duchess of Sussex.
Really wants to know if this is Drake.
Literally reads the phonebook and makes it entertaining.
Says (correctly) that Zumba is for white women who can’t dance.
Doesn’t know what trust is.
Not a fan of breakfast soup.
Can’t tell white guys with beards apart.
Says Canada essentially ghosted America and England during the Revolutionary War.
Insists that Halloween is NOT for dogs.
Thinks Russian nesting dolls should be edible.
Is hoping the ‘Just Nips’ trend will take off.
Thinks tampons are magic (but admits that toxic shock is VERY real).
Might have made an enemy out of Howie from the Backstreet Boys.
Wears his sunglasses at night.
Has no patience for boring people.
Will always politely decline methamphetamines.
Doesn’t understand why people tweet at McDonalds.
Is on ALL the apps.
Doesn’t want to be “cute, sweet, and adorable” in her 20s.
Admits men have had tricky couple (million) years.
Boy, are his arms tired – but not for the reason you might think!
Knows what you can ACTUALLY buy with 10k.
Assumes gay men are all ambidextrous.
Has strong opinions about peanut allergies.
Is making an active effort to look at girls’ hands.
Looked to the Village People for career inspiration.
Would rather have zero Reese's Cups than one Reese’s Cup.
Watches porn to learn about modern society.
Got slapped by a child.
Doesn’t care that you can play “Redemption Song” by Bob Marley.
Wishes we could angrily close Venetian blinds.
Does a mean impression of a Brita filter.
Beer before cider, awaken the spider. Cider before beer, no spiders appear.
Is Snoop Dogg’s new best friend.
Is too old for adoption.
Doesn’t know how to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius.
Was once part of a heavy metal band called Tethered Priest.
Doesn’t know if she can handle VR.
Everything’s a plaza (literally AND metaphorically??)
Claims every cruise is a ‘Walking Dead’ cruise.
Does not live in an igloo.
Bought a cool animal puzzle.
Isn’t good at weed.
Thought 2007 was “INSANE!”
Moonlights as a Christmas cracker joke writer.